What If a Republican Did... Oh, Never Mind!

One of the great Republican parlor games/dinner table rants is to describe something that Democrats have done and then ask, "What if a Republican had done that? What would the media have said?" Usually it occurs in the context of politically incorrect speech. Democratic Senator Byrd's comments about "white n*****rs" comes to mind. Sometimes it takes the form of a substitution: we cite something that Democrats have said about, for instance, the stupidity of white rural Christians (see Jane Smiley's now infamous Slate screed), and ask what would happen if you substituted "black urban Christians," or complained about New York Jews, etc. (Interestingly, I have literally never heard a Republican of my acquaintance say anything remotely like this.)

Here's another one. On election day, twenty vans that were rented to help Republicans GOTV efforts in Milwaukee had their tires slashed. In a state where Kerry won by less than 12,000 votes... the closest race in the country. But, here's the kicker... the individuals arrested or questioned so far in connection with this vandalism were the sons of the newly-elected Congresswoman from Milwaukee, Gwen Moore (who won by about 75%-25% and didn't need to do this sort of thing), and the son of the former mayor of Milwaukee, Marvin Pratt, who, not incidentally, was Kerry's Milwaukee campaign chief.

Can you imagine if, say, in Florida in 2000, it turned out that the sons of Katherine Harris and Jeb Bush had been caught doing something like this? Can you imagine if, say, in Ohio in 2004, it turned out that the sons of Voinovich and Blackwell had been caught slashing Kerry vans' tires? The media equivalent of nuclear war would have immediately ensued.

This is not just an after-the-fact academic question... if Ohio had gone the other way, the narrow Kerry victory in Wisconsin would have given him the victory. Where is the FBI in this case? Isn't committing a crime in an effort to deprive someone of their right to vote a federal offense?

It would be if Republicans had done it.